Pooja finding it difficult

Story of Pooja so far…

After this beautiful tweet by Pooja and acknowledgement of this love by Airtel, let me tell you what happens next.

Pooja waits for Gaganjot but Airtel being Airtel takes it easy.

Pooja is now frustrated decides to drive to the customer care store. Here she realises that petrol used in her bike comes from a Muslim country. Shit she throws the bike aside, books a ola cab. Cab drivers name is karim.

Damn! another Muslim ehh..she decides to go by cycle. She takes her cycle to a closest repair shop which read Mustafa cycle repair. Wtf another Muslim guy, Pooja decides to take public transport, omg bus driver is wearing a skull cap. Clearly Pooja is having a bad day.

Pooja goes to a restaurant, bearers name read Anwar, oh not again a Muslim, she decides to go home and cook her favourite chicken tikka. Pooja goes to the meat shop guess what meat shop read Rafique meat shop. What on earth is happening to Pooja. Why are all these people around her or is she around all these people she hates?

Whatever Pooja decides be it going anywhere or eating anything, she switches on tv, Damn it’s her all time favourite movie Pardes. Guess what Pooja switches of the tv ‘coz a Muslim hero Shahrukh Khan.

Pooja stayed Indoors, all alone In her flat long enough to understand these were beautiful days or good days for the country (ache din).

Pooja lived in hate and few years later as the dust of hate settled and Pooja realised she was such a starbakth. Pooja realises that no matter who is power, people at large will peacefully coexist with each other.

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Dadda

Growing up as a middle class Indian boy meant a lot a pampering from mom. Dad was always seen from mom’s prospective as someone who is bold, strong character and very overtly protective individual.

Somewhere mom’s love overshadowed dad’s subtle yet caring nature. In a middle class family mom like green piece of paper that you give at a government office to get things done. Not that Dad would not help you but mom always had a way to get it done the way you want.

Adolescence brought a new dimension to this love-hate relationship between Dad and me. Growing up as teenager meant you had this Arvind Kejriwal within you to protest and throw logic at your dad. But dad always controlled his anger sometimes diverting this towards mom for raising a fool like me.

Years passed by graduation happened, some friends flew abroad with the help of their dad’s who they were cursing every time old monk kicked in. Dad’s are not bad after all as I thought!

Post graduation happened and I started working thereafter, as months passed I realised it’s bloody difficult to earn money and more difficult to save it especially with new love interest in life.

Over the years respect for dad grew as a two wheeler garage owner he never hesitated to spend money on family irrespective of how his business was doing.

Today as a father of a 10 month-old baby I understand that being Dad means lot of sacrifices some willingly and some unwillingly. Being dad means staying strong even at most weak moments. Being dad means throwing away everything you have to talk to your little one who calls you DADDA.

Thank you DADDA

Hello Internet

If you are 90’s kid then you my friend have gone through the experience called The Cyber Cafe.

For most Indians, internet was first introduced through the movie Jurrasic Park, where this huge dude hacks into the system to destabilise the entire park. Well that was the inspiration also for IT cell in this country. But moving away from politics.

I and most of 90’s kids were introduced to internet in this cozy little store we called cyber cafe. After the era of video game parlour, if there was one place were most teenagers would spend their time was the cyber cafe.

Having an account on rediff or yahoo meant you never left the slam book email address section vacant. With discovery of chat rooms meant you were a stud. You taught were an expert in dating, but as months passed you realised you were talking to Angel Priya.

Over the years orkut came into existence, by this time I realised cyber cafe not just meant for browsing but also having a private space with your girl in a closed enclosure. Cyber Cafe was the new park. How do i know about this? we’ll when I checked the system was off but previous user of the same cabin stayed locked for more than an hour with a girl.

Moving on as years passed the concept of cyber cafe was slowly declining. Now students checked marks in their friends house, people accessed porn from pen drive at home, couples started making out in other places.

Today as we access almost anything via mobile, I feel cyber cafe was a starting point of our relationship with Internet.

As a generation we 90’s kids would be the only generation to have experienced The Cyber Cafe.

What was your first experience of cyber cafe?

write to me I would love to listen from you.

Masala Media

Year 2050: world is coming to an end, most countries have another week to go before a huge earthquake followed by Tsunami is going to destroy everything.

Year 2050 News channels: In today’s speech prime minister and opposition party leader hurled questions at each other. THIS is our Breaking news!

Keep watching us for the latest updates on state, central, municipal and college elections between 2 parties. Yes that’s all we broadcast, if you want other less important news like education, corruption & poverty please do visit our website.

Seems like there are only 2 things happening in this country, elections and exit polls.

Indian elections is covered by 5 or 6 News anchors who grandstand for their audiences. Much like a performer hmm to be precise a bad performer

On one hand you have this trio of uncle’s Prannoy, Shekar Gupta and some uncle who round up a politician and ask questions like your neighbourhood uncle after he caught you smoking for the first time.

Then other side of the spectrum is the loud speaker a.k.a India’s slow poison Arnab. This dude covers elections everyday even when there is no election. If you watch one state elections coverage by this dude. You have enough hate towards logic and manners.

Then we have 2 news anchors who have probably chosen the wrong career path. Rahul kanwal reports elections like he is covering a travelling expeditions on fox traveller.

Then there is Bupandera chaubey who’s questions to politicians are dumber than his questions to Sunny Leone.

Then there are plethora of regional channels who cover elections like they cover big boss or splitz villa.

What happens between two elections is what matters.

If news channels cover elections 24/7 a day will come when you will no longer be a source of information and knowledge.

My 30

30! that age you don’t mind your neighborhood kids calling you uncle, welcome to the age of not giving a damn!
You read history and you will see that at the age of 30, famous men & women gave this world the best inventions, revolutions and motivation speakers on YouTube.

As I entered 30 couple of months back, first thing that hit me was “dude its been 10 years since you passed your graduation, 15 years since you passed school and 12 years since you knew never to mix beer with whisky” where are you today?
As I pondered over this I realized that my life has not been as fast I wished. At this moment I did the most suicidal thing to my already low confidence, I logged in on Instagram, now Instagram is not a bad app but at this moment when you see all the girls you dated hanging out with their husbands in US. You start hating US, in fact you go on google search how to become jihadi and then realize this is lot of effort!

But biggest face saver at this time was guy who jumped on my television screen and gave a statement that all civil engineering students should only prepare for civil’s, in a couple of minutes i realized that this guy is a chief minister.
Life after all is not bad, if you think you haven’t achieved much at 30, you get to look at a guy like this. If my was life was Zayed Khan, there are several who’s life is Fardeen Khan.

At 30 I have realized 3 things
1. Your friends are not like f.r.i.e.n.d.s on comedy central, they like friends from Golmaal they are annoying but who cares they are your friends.
2. Money is important, if you think it doesn’t matter, its time join a startup and experience poverty.
3. Parents, wife, kids every family around you think you are very important person in your company, keep fooling them.

At last, 30 is good if its going slow, trust me its better that way.
Another 10 year to save, 20 years to retire and 30 years to see all the people who had a fast life leaving this world fast.

 

 

 

 

Land of Ban

The first condition of progress is the removal of censorship.

  – George Bernard Shaw

                                                                                                                                                                  
“Ban” such a common word for most Indians and half an abuse for most Delhiites.
Is banning a solution for anything under the sky?
Gujarat is alcohol free state or so they say. But see the below figures.

Guju

Alcohol ban was is implemented in Bihar earlier this year. But Bihar being Bihar knows how to get hands on things which are banned in this country.

You might ask why am I limiting my argument only towards ban on alcohol and not other things like beef, porn or homosexuality.
My answer to this is, if there is one thing that unites India from Kashmir to Kanyakumari it is alcohol. There is no conversation more honest than two drunk people talking to each other.

status
 

My status in light of liquor ban on highways

 

In the wake of recent ban of sale of crackers Delhi. In my opinion it is a bad idea especially for a place like Delhi where people have a special liking to create their own rules.

Air quality of Delhi is pathetic , the world knows it but if citizens by themselves do not take responsibility of their health, this ban will be counter-productive. We have enough hate-mongers in the country who will change this debate from a health prospective to hate prospective.
Air quality in Delhi is so bad that , even trees have started giving out CO2 instead of O2.
Delhi and many of our cities choke everyday due to pollution caused by various by vehicles and factories.
Placing a ban on a specific festival will only create a rebellion which is not good for country like India where various beliefs co-exits.
Bans work in countries which do not work on democracy, bans work in countries where people follow leader blindly (off course India is getting there but still better).

If you think you are affected by pollution caused by crackers take the effort to educate people, organize a peaceful march, run campaigns on social media. This might take a long time but that’s how democracies work.
We’ll if you like still want banning things, please ban.

  1. Hate-mongers
  2. Big Boss season 11
  3. Cringe Pop music
  4. Whats app forwards (double jail term for Unesco forwards)
  5. Driving alone to office.
  6. Tinder (Yes because it was released after I got married)

We’ll if you didn’t like this blog. Please don’t ban it.

Thanks for reading, please pray that Maggi never gets banned.

 

Urban Swimmers

How many years do we wait to produce a Michael Phelps in our country?

As I see this is the right time to take a call, we have supreme leader, supreme state governments and supreme municipality. Now you might wonder, having a supreme leader, state government and municipality increase our chance of getting gold medal in Olympics?

Well here’s your answer.

urswim
Why walk when you can swim

All of us have seen these pictures over and over again, but what have you done all these years? when governments are providing such wonderful opportunities for urban citizens to grow as better swimmers.

You have complained, cribbed and sometimes protested, but do you think it is your duty to ask questions? the answer is NO. You are supposed to vote once in 5 years, give your trust, love and most importantly taxes to central and state governments and chill on Facebook. If anyone speaks about issues on social media, as responsible nationalist your duty is call him names, like anti-national, librandu, presstitute. It your duty to harass him/her so much that they don’t question. After all leaders just want you to be better swimmers from this country with vision on Olympic medals.

Every monsoon or every time when it rains for more than 2 hours city come to a standstill, but that is not my worry. In fact I am happy that we get to spend time to random strangers so often that I have learnt networking. I like how the main cities in the country like Delhi, Mumbai, Chennai, Hyderabad and Bangalore are so well equipped for monsoon that people know that even this year government has provided them opportunities to:

  1. Spend time with random strangers on local trains, buses waiting for pick and drop for hours. (Real networking you see!!)
  2. Giving opportunity for citizens in city to use boat during monsoon season.
  3. Giving opportunities to journalist/ tv channels to cover news for 2 days & earn trp’s.
  4. Taking people by surprise, with Man holes like literally.
  5. Cities like Bangalore also provide Froth facility with flood water which is highly commendable.

I might need a website to write all the advantages, (see government/ municipality care about bloggers as well.)

Above all country needs more swimmers and achievers. So what are you waiting its almost the end of September. Make complete use of this facility become wonderful citizens of New India.

ur2swim
Let’s do this together 🙂