Masala Media

Year 2050: world is coming to an end, most countries have another week to go before a huge earthquake followed by Tsunami is going to destroy everything.

Year 2050 News channels: In today’s speech prime minister and opposition party leader hurled questions at each other. THIS is our Breaking news!

Keep watching us for the latest updates on state, central, municipal and college elections between 2 parties. Yes that’s all we broadcast, if you want other less important news like education, corruption & poverty please do visit our website.

Seems like there are only 2 things happening in this country, elections and exit polls.

Indian elections is covered by 5 or 6 News anchors who grandstand for their audiences. Much like a performer hmm to be precise a bad performer

On one hand you have this trio of uncle’s Prannoy, Shekar Gupta and some uncle who round up a politician and ask questions like your neighbourhood uncle after he caught you smoking for the first time.

Then other side of the spectrum is the loud speaker a.k.a India’s slow poison Arnab. This dude covers elections everyday even when there is no election. If you watch one state elections coverage by this dude. You have enough hate towards logic and manners.

Then we have 2 news anchors who have probably chosen the wrong career path. Rahul kanwal reports elections like he is covering a travelling expeditions on fox traveller.

Then there is Bupandera chaubey who’s questions to politicians are dumber than his questions to Sunny Leone.

Then there are plethora of regional channels who cover elections like they cover big boss or splitz villa.

What happens between two elections is what matters.

If news channels cover elections 24/7 a day will come when you will no longer be a source of information and knowledge.

Advertisements

My 30

30! that age you don’t mind your neighborhood kids calling you uncle, welcome to the age of not giving a damn!
You read history and you will see that at the age of 30, famous men & women gave this world the best inventions, revolutions and motivation speakers on YouTube.

As I entered 30 couple of months back, first thing that hit me was “dude its been 10 years since you passed your graduation, 15 years since you passed school and 12 years since you knew never to mix beer with whisky” where are you today?
As I pondered over this I realized that my life has not been as fast I wished. At this moment I did the most suicidal thing to my already low confidence, I logged in on Instagram, now Instagram is not a bad app but at this moment when you see all the girls you dated hanging out with their husbands in US. You start hating US, in fact you go on google search how to become jihadi and then realize this is lot of effort!

But biggest face saver at this time was guy who jumped on my television screen and gave a statement that all civil engineering students should only prepare for civil’s, in a couple of minutes i realized that this guy is a chief minister.
Life after all is not bad, if you think you haven’t achieved much at 30, you get to look at a guy like this. If my was life was Zayed Khan, there are several who’s life is Fardeen Khan.

At 30 I have realized 3 things
1. Your friends are not like f.r.i.e.n.d.s on comedy central, they like friends from Golmaal they are annoying but who cares they are your friends.
2. Money is important, if you think it doesn’t matter, its time join a startup and experience poverty.
3. Parents, wife, kids every family around you think you are very important person in your company, keep fooling them.

At last, 30 is good if its going slow, trust me its better that way.
Another 10 year to save, 20 years to retire and 30 years to see all the people who had a fast life leaving this world fast.

 

 

 

 

Land of Ban

The first condition of progress is the removal of censorship.

  – George Bernard Shaw

                                                                                                                                                                  
“Ban” such a common word for most Indians and half an abuse for most Delhiites.
Is banning a solution for anything under the sky?
Gujarat is alcohol free state or so they say. But see the below figures.

Guju

Alcohol ban was is implemented in Bihar earlier this year. But Bihar being Bihar knows how to get hands on things which are banned in this country.

You might ask why am I limiting my argument only towards ban on alcohol and not other things like beef, porn or homosexuality.
My answer to this is, if there is one thing that unites India from Kashmir to Kanyakumari it is alcohol. There is no conversation more honest than two drunk people talking to each other.

status
 

My status in light of liquor ban on highways

 

In the wake of recent ban of sale of crackers Delhi. In my opinion it is a bad idea especially for a place like Delhi where people have a special liking to create their own rules.

Air quality of Delhi is pathetic , the world knows it but if citizens by themselves do not take responsibility of their health, this ban will be counter-productive. We have enough hate-mongers in the country who will change this debate from a health prospective to hate prospective.
Air quality in Delhi is so bad that , even trees have started giving out CO2 instead of O2.
Delhi and many of our cities choke everyday due to pollution caused by various by vehicles and factories.
Placing a ban on a specific festival will only create a rebellion which is not good for country like India where various beliefs co-exits.
Bans work in countries which do not work on democracy, bans work in countries where people follow leader blindly (off course India is getting there but still better).

If you think you are affected by pollution caused by crackers take the effort to educate people, organize a peaceful march, run campaigns on social media. This might take a long time but that’s how democracies work.
We’ll if you like still want banning things, please ban.

  1. Hate-mongers
  2. Big Boss season 11
  3. Cringe Pop music
  4. Whats app forwards (double jail term for Unesco forwards)
  5. Driving alone to office.
  6. Tinder (Yes because it was released after I got married)

We’ll if you didn’t like this blog. Please don’t ban it.

Thanks for reading, please pray that Maggi never gets banned.

 

Urban Swimmers

How many years do we wait to produce a Michael Phelps in our country?

As I see this is the right time to take a call, we have supreme leader, supreme state governments and supreme municipality. Now you might wonder, having a supreme leader, state government and municipality increase our chance of getting gold medal in Olympics?

Well here’s your answer.

urswim
Why walk when you can swim

All of us have seen these pictures over and over again, but what have you done all these years? when governments are providing such wonderful opportunities for urban citizens to grow as better swimmers.

You have complained, cribbed and sometimes protested, but do you think it is your duty to ask questions? the answer is NO. You are supposed to vote once in 5 years, give your trust, love and most importantly taxes to central and state governments and chill on Facebook. If anyone speaks about issues on social media, as responsible nationalist your duty is call him names, like anti-national, librandu, presstitute. It your duty to harass him/her so much that they don’t question. After all leaders just want you to be better swimmers from this country with vision on Olympic medals.

Every monsoon or every time when it rains for more than 2 hours city come to a standstill, but that is not my worry. In fact I am happy that we get to spend time to random strangers so often that I have learnt networking. I like how the main cities in the country like Delhi, Mumbai, Chennai, Hyderabad and Bangalore are so well equipped for monsoon that people know that even this year government has provided them opportunities to:

  1. Spend time with random strangers on local trains, buses waiting for pick and drop for hours. (Real networking you see!!)
  2. Giving opportunity for citizens in city to use boat during monsoon season.
  3. Giving opportunities to journalist/ tv channels to cover news for 2 days & earn trp’s.
  4. Taking people by surprise, with Man holes like literally.
  5. Cities like Bangalore also provide Froth facility with flood water which is highly commendable.

I might need a website to write all the advantages, (see government/ municipality care about bloggers as well.)

Above all country needs more swimmers and achievers. So what are you waiting its almost the end of September. Make complete use of this facility become wonderful citizens of New India.

ur2swim
Let’s do this together 🙂

The struggling class

Yesterday I decided to take a local train from hi-tech city to secunderabad. As a natural zoner, In situations like these I take my flight of random thoughts.

But yesterday was something different as I stood in a packed comparment under the armpits of middle-aged man I took a look around the compartment and these thoughts came to my mind.

70 years back I could imagine the chaos the country was going through, millions crossed the border, millions killed, raped and tortured. Then I look at the crowd who are same set of people who are just doing things ordered by their governments. Pay taxes, follow rules and regulations. 

70 years back we had young men and women searching for jobs, daily wage labourers traveling from one corner of city to other, women standing around men who are staring at them in the most inappropriate way.And same is true today!

During everyday conversation we divide India as low-middle-upper class. But there is one class which everyone fails to recognize and truly so because they don’t cater to any vote bank. 

 This group is The Struggling Class  who are daring, dedicated, devotional and dangerous sometimes. They don’t give a flying fuck about governments because they grinding they way through from education to employment, from heathcare to housing. Thanks to this journey I realized India is not just people who are shouting on news channels but also a silent strong group contributing to the growth of this country.

Jai Hind!

The Blind Eye

The other day I came across this wonderful post from Randeeep Hooda 

This post is widely shared and appreciated across that section of social media users who are neither right,left or center.

As much as Mr Hooda and people who associate themselves with this post have freedom to voice out their opinion.I have a contrarian view on this.

  • This thought process narrows down your outlook therby seeing things in a small bubble you have created.
  • Mr Hooda’s suggestion on staying away from social media is ironical considering he used couple of social media platforms to put across his point.
  • The view of not debating on issues, not raising issues realted to society makes citizens weak and people in power unaccountable.
  • Concept of giving a blind eye to issues concerning society has bought us to a stage where leaders are worshipped, and people who ask questions are trolled.

My friends, My family, My people approach is awesome if you live in an island where governments don’t exist, where no policy affects you.

We in this digital environment cannot and should not shy away from asking questions to The Government, Media, Opposition, Religious leaders and your circle of friends and family.

Let me know what you think about it

Weekly Ha Ha

This week had so many things to say to the world. This week was a reflection of how low society has stoop to. This week was a preview into future of world politics and Indian economy. In short this week was like living Navjot singh sidhu’s muhavra.

blog-pic-1
Didn’t understand? neither did I

This week there was, the Great American Elections, Modi’s ban on 500 and 1000 currency and Delhi pollution.

Well let’s start with the news which gives you the same feeling when you watch a horror comedy flick. The Great American Elections has just concluded, and what a result , what a candidate. America now has officially made a Troll as a president.

Trump signifies a section of society who shout down others views, Trump signifies a section of society which loves name calling and labeling a group of people for their point of view. Right now democracy is being mocked by communism, socialism. Democracy feels like a girl who is forced to get married with a rich old man.( Balika Vadu ? oh yes)

America as a stand-up comic I would like to thank you for a giving us a character to build our career on. In short YOU SCREWED IT!

blog-pic-2

Let’s move the second biggest news of this week , yes Demonetization or in lay man terms “ATM out of service.” Personally I feel he did it with an awesome intention with pathetic implementation. Standing in queue after 8 long years felt like renewing bus pass , bought me back to my roots. Mean while today Rahul Gandhi also stood in queue with Rs 4000, with Rs 100 notes, why ‘O’ why?

If Demonetization could solve the problem of Black money so be it,  but if doesn’t at least you learnt that money is temporary , if you have a lot right now please do transfer into my account.
For those who have lost a reasonable some of black money, I just want to say “Aj mey upar asma neeche , aj mey age zamana hai peeche.”

For first 2 days of this week major headlines on all the news channels were pollution levels in Delhi and then Trump and Demonetization side tracked this news.

Delhi Pollution also caused a big uproar on social media, with some blaming bursting crackers on Diwali for the smog, others defending bursting crackers on Diwali. Some blamed the farmers in Punjab, some blamed the old diesel cars in the city. Some blamed AAP, some blamed BJP and some blamed poor old Sheila Dixit. I felt like a student caught copying in an exam who blamed his friend who passed the chit.
All the Delhiites are seen wearing a mask, only people who can live in Delhi right now are

 

blog-pic-4kanemask

And….

muffler-man
Yo! Muffler man

This week was eventful and surely will be remembered for the right and wrong reasons.
Next week promises to be a power packed, hope that everyone will find active ATM’s for your day-to-day needs.

Thank you for the read, look forward to entertain you with next Weekly Ha ha.